Mama Drama - The Big Dilemma
Updated: Dec 23, 2019
"I absolutely love my Mother in Law and I want her to feel included in our wedding plans but I don't want to upset my biological mama who has been dreaming about my wedding day ever since the doctor announced 'It's A Girl'. SOS. How do I make sure nobody's feelings get hurt?"
Take a deep breath sister, you are not the only bride to face this conundrum and you certainly won't be the last. Family dynamics can be tough and as a bride, you've already got a lot on your plate; here is an experience from my own wedding that will hopefully help you quell the mama drama.
Simply put - hone in on what each mom is 'good at' and let them pour themselves into it.
Believe it or not my Mother in Law (MIL) was actually the one to lace up my dress on our wedding day ... and there was not a shred of drama or hurt feelings from my real mom. See my MIL has a background in fashion and having spent years on set prepping models, I really wanted her to be the one to take the lead with my dress ... but naturally I had to tread lightly on that one.
When we started down the road of wedding planning, the first thing I did was take my mom for lunch so we could discuss the things that were the most important to her... and admittedly, this was my forum to broach the dress topic early on. Mom has an incredible garden and a way with organics so naturally asking her to take on all things floral gave her something she could really identify with, plus it guaranteed that her contribution would be a focal point on our wedding day.
Lunch was off to a great start - Mom was feeling needed, valuable and most importantly, included. Then I hit her with the dress topic. She was a little quiet at first but now having her metaphorical plate full with the floral styling and her voice heard on the other elements near and dear to her, she was ok relinquishing her dress duties. Her exact words, and I quote, "if you have the opportunity to have an expert in your dressing room, then I want that for you". Yes. My mom is an absolute saint.
Naturally, MIL was over the moon to be included in such a special moment and the experience grew our own bond tenfold. Plus, to ensure my mom wasn't 'missing out' and to ease any friction between the two of them, she helped me organize a First Look just for Mom once I was all ready; and let me tell you the emotions shared between Mom and I in that moment still brings us both to tears.
Moms. Bridesmaids. Friends. Uncle Roy who wants to walk you down the aisle just because he has no daughters of his own. Weddings can be a drama lined battlefield. Here's the thing to remember though. You mean so much to so many people and they all just want an opportunity to be a part of the wedding experience. Really think about who you have in your circle, Start with your nearest and dearest and go from there. You can't accommodate everyone, or even include everyone for that matter (sorry Uncle Roy) but with a little compromise, you can certainly please the ones who mean the most to you.
Shoot us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or DM us on our insta @downtheaisleyyc if you have any questions on how to navigate the drama that comes with an engagement ring. Your wedding is a day to remember and we are here to support you down the aisle any way we can.